"Don't Cry for me, Cebu"

Cebu. Cebu? Please allow me a moment to recollect my thoughts.

(Initiating memory scan. Cebu data found. Uploading now.)

Ah. There we are. Cebu. Let's talk about it.

First of all, let's rewind the tape a little, shall we?

With any salaried job comes some degree of drudgery and mental degradation. For January and February of the year 2010, this was particularly true. Not only for me, but also for Luke Elie - a talented friend and walking database of sports trivia. One day, Luke and I were talking and our topic of conversation veered into how, for the lack of a better term, "crappy" 2010 had been so far. We both came to the conclusion that a vacation, preferably in a warm tropical climate to escape the stupidly cold Korean weather, was vital to our sanity. As a slave confined to rowing in the galleys may find himself absorbed in grandeur visions of freedom, I found myself absorbed with grandeur visions of being thousands of miles away snorkeling in clear water lagoons, reading books on beaches under coconut trees, and maybe even attempting to make conversation with relatively attractive members of the opposite sex without scaring them away. Maybe.

So far, so good.

All that was needed was a little planning - where, when, and with whom to go. Easy enough. Now let's fast forward the tape to March 19th, 2010.

Where to go? Not sure. When to go? Not sure. With whom to go with? Not sure.

If one thing is certain in life, it is that Luke and I both should not be in the vacation planning business. Actually, we both had vague ideas of what to do. Where? Maybe Thailand, Indonesia, or Philippines. When? Maybe sometime during spring break. With whom? We had invited a few people who shall remain anonymous, and despite these anonymous people having initially shown enthusiasm, these anonymous people did what every event planner dreads - betrayal at the last minute. (Thanks, Mark Nola) This left the vacation to just Luke and me. Sigh... (Thanks again, Mark Nola)

There is a travel agency located on the first floor on my building called Hana Tour. It was on this day, March 19th, that I walked into this office, was cordially greeted by the Korean lady at the desk, and, in the best Korean I could muster, asked what was available for the week of Spring break. She promptly recommended a 5-day package tour in Cebu, Philippines. I had no objections to Cebu, but told her that we preferred to remain autonomous, independent from any scheduled group tours. "No problem." she said. "Wonderful. Book it." I said.

Now, fast forward to March 30th - Day one of vacation.

Arrived in Cebu at 11:30 pm. Day one lasted a whole 30 minutes and consisted of going through customs, picking up luggage, and riding to our hotel. Strike one, Hana tour. Our hotel's immediate vicinity showed few signs of civilization. A foreboding omen, perhaps?

March 31st - Day two

Woke up to sound of roosters crowing and children playing. We were on the top floor of the hotel, so I stepped out on the balcony to take in some fresh air. This was my view:



The local villagers were drawing water from the well and using it to wash clothes and bathe themselves. My intuition from the previous night was, unfortunately, correct: Hana tour had placed us right in the middle of nowhere. Strike two, Hana tour.

The first rule of intergalactic space travel, as author Douglas Adams would say, is "Don't Panic". I think the same can be said for traveling in general. So, not panicking, I waved at the locals down below who cheerfully waved back.

Luke and I proceeded to "seize the day" and struck out on our own. The rather attractive front desk lady had suggested a few things to do the night before, one of which was going to see a resort named "Imperial Palace".

As God looked upon His creation and deemed it "good", Luke and I looked upon the "Imperial Palace" and did the same. We therefore spent the entire afternoon there.

This relaxing afternoon, consisting of reading on the beach, hittin' up the water park, and gorging ourselves at a fantastic lunch buffet, was followed by going to Cebu City later that night. We had heard the Filipinos shared our deep love for basketball, and we were determined "hoop it up" with them. We found a gym downtown fully occupied by Filipinos "hooping it up". But, in typical indecisive Erik Johnson fashion, it was decided, instead, to go eat at the Ayala Super-Mall across the street.

At the mall, Luke and I found an internet cafe and since Hana Tour had put us into "Bates Motel", we found a new one. Day two was polished off with an hour long massage. (Sorry, no picture.)

April 1st - Day three

The first half of day three was spent visiting other resorts -White Sands Resorts, Maribago Blue Water Resort.

After having lunch, we were feeling adventurous and decided to take a gamble using the "Filipino Tricycle" to return to our hotel.


And a gamble it was. As the reader can see, we could barely fit into these pernicious death traps.

As I mentioned before, Luke is a man of many talents. One of these is social networking. The night prior, he convinced the aforementioned front desk lady to take us around town and show us the sights. This front desk lady's name? Gretchen. Gretchen agreed, and we were to meet her outside our hotel after lunch. Gretchen was a fun tour guide and even helped us check into our new hotel. (We miss you, Gretchen)

Speaking of which, Luke's decision to change hotels was worthwhile. Check it out:

We polished off day three by getting another massage (Sorry, no picture).

April 2nd - Day four

Day four was the most, uhm, adventurous day by far. It can be summed up in the phrase "successive string of dismal failures." Why? Well, first of all, the Philippines is a predominantly Catholic nation. As such, the entire country was apparently closed down on Good Friday. Once again, this is where a little research and planning would have been useful. Every attempt to explore the wild frontier of Cebu was met with dismal failure. Despite this, we still managed to do some sight-seeing.

The Mactan Shrine:


Lapulapu Statue. Local hero famous for "defending against Spanish invaders". Actually, there were no invaders at all; it was merely Spanish explorer Magellan and his crew trying to be the first to circumnavigate the earth:


Luke may be a man of many talents, but photography is NOT one of them. Good job, "shaky hand Luke":

Cebu Metropolitan Cathedral, as everybody is released from Good Friday service:

Historical Cebu monument on Colon Street, the "oldest street in the Philippines":


The Philippine's public transportation system, aka "Jeepneys"- refurbished US military jeeps left over from World War II. Interesting...

Meet Renato "Rey" Dungog, area tricycle driver.


Dismally failing at exploration is, surprisingly, quite taxing on the body. It was mutually agreed upon that a siesta would be nice. Here I am executing those plans to perfection:


But alas! The day was not done. There was still time in the day to pursue the idea of playing basketball with the locals. Earlier, we had passed by what appeared to be a nice public court nearby our hotel, and we ventured to go there by foot. But as a mirage in the desert appears much closer than it really is, this court also appeared much closer than it really was. We probably walked 5 km in search of this mysterious court, only to have the sun set by the time we found it. Nonetheless, we had fun ingratiating ourselves into the kids' good graces.




April 3rd - Day five

Left Cebu at 12:30 am. Another 30 minute day of the package tour. What the flip is that? Strike three, Hana tour. Strike three..

Final thoughts

Cebu has its nice areas and its not so nice areas. Honestly, I was shocked to see the vast disparity between rich and poor. Kids who looked like they hadn't bathed in days were running around in the streets where one would think they would be in school learning. When they saw tourists, it's almost as if they're programmed so say, "Hello. Give me money.", and persist in following them around until the tourists give in, further perpetuating the cycle of poverty. Sad. While the beaches and resorts seemed exotic and luxurious, an overwhelming portion of the population resides in places like this:

Even Gretchen, our tour guide who seemed to be relatively well-off, told us that she had no running water, no microwave, and had to quit school due to it "costing too much money". Lesson: Be grateful for what you have.