Ok! The following statements are true:
- After much trial and error, I have discovered, with an indescribable sense of satisfaction I might add, the "perfect route" from home to school.
- I am foaming at the mouth to fill my stomach, that carnivorous abyss, with some good ol' Korean BBQ.
- I am also foaming at the mouth to step foot inside a local karaoke establishment and leave it in utter shambles, just like the olden days in Korea.
- On my bedroom floor, there lay strewn about an intimidating pile of clothes (clean). Each attempt to organize this unsightly pile has been met with a resilient line of reasoning that is beyond my powers of refutation: "Hey. Why even hang this crap up if I'm just gonna wear it this week?"
- I found not one, but three pennies on heads today. Hooray!
- The first week of school has come and gone. The most astonishing aspect of which was the staggering gender ratio of my department: less than one male for every ten females. (Perhaps, this has some correlation with the three pennies I found today?)
- Of the many noble souls of the above mentioned department, some are willing to engage in conversation with me, but most are not. (Eh. Scratch the penny theory.)
- Each time any of the following songs are played on the radio - "Airplane", "California Girls", "Billionaire" - the likelihood of me furiously ripping my radio from the dashboard and hurling it out the window increases ever so slightly.
- Last week, I was pleasantly surprised to discover that I received a $2,000 scholarship. Hooray!
- In a grand reversal of fortune, the much anticipated "Lake Day" (a day in which I enlisted myself into a group of like-minded individuals that was to venture out to a local lake for the purpose of skiing and tubing) was canceled due to inclement weather. Boo! Hiss!
- My French brother-in-law, Erwan, continues to amuse me. First, he informed me that he "sometimes" irons and starches his underwear. Odd, but understandable. Next, it was discovered that he chooses to sit down and urinate as opposed to standing up (in direct violation of the unwritten code of manhood). Lastly, recently while shopping at Krogers, I was informed by "my sources" that he elected to do his business in the ladies restroom. For me, this was the straw that broke the camel's back.
Alright! Now, the following statements are false:
- Parking at the University of Tennessee has thus far been a stress free experience. Not once have I been late to class. Not once have I abandoned plans to stop by the gym after class due to lack of parking. And, not once have I been tempted to punch the mustaches off other operators of motor vehicles competing for the same parking spot.
- I am not intimidated at all by this semester's workload. It should be a piece of cake, or as the Koreans say, "as easy as laying down and eating rice-cakes."
- I got a wicked tattoo across my back that says, "UT Audiology & Speech Language Pathology Thugs 4 Life".
- While enjoying a delectable evening repast at Cracker Barrel this past Sunday with new friends (one of whom is endowed with an exquisite sense of humor), I did not laugh so hard that I cried, nor did I nearly fall sideways out of my chair drawing the attention of entire establishment.
- I did not crap a litter of lizards when I opened the monthly cable & internet bill from Comcast.
- An alarmingly disproportional amount of my grocery budget is not being spent on jars upon jars of hot pickled okra.
- In order to offset these unforeseen costs, I have not elected to begin showering at the UT gym (FREE), nor have I considered simultaneously doing my dishes in these showers. Yet.
- Over the past week, a mysterious beauty of western European descent - one whose hair is "black like the plumage of the raven" and whose teeth would "put even the purest of ivory to shame" - has not at all attracted my attention.
- I have ample courage to approach the above mentioned beauty.
- Today, from its rude inception in the morning 'til its weary end, has been the best day ever.
- I don't feel the initial stages of a malicious cold laying siege to my body's precious immune system.
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