The author has been contacted by Tennessee's Public Relations Committee and, in addition to recognizing this website as "Rocky Top's #1 News Source", they have requested that the author use this medium to disseminate the following official announcements:
- In a landmark decision this past week, all 5 members of the Rocky Top Town Council have unanimously overturned a longstanding ban which prohibited any citizen from raising chickens in their backyards. Hard-line progressives are celebrating the experimental move, calling it a "great leap forward" in reflecting the values of the people. Pragmatists object, however, claiming that the move could cause many unforeseen problems, such as renegade chickens pooping on the hoods of cars.
- Willy and the Whistlin' Quartet are back in town again! They will be performing this upcoming Sunday evening at 6 PM at Rocky Top Community Church, and Willy himself will be signing autographs from 4 PM. (Author's note: Willy is approaching 95, and the other three members of the quartet have recently passed away. Nonetheless, Willy's whistling ability is nothing short of electrifying. You can count on me being there.)
- The much anticipated 2011 edition Rocky Top telephone books are now available and are being distributed at Ralph's General Store, the local five-and-dime there on the corner. The Yellow Pages have been updated to reflect new numbers for new local business establishments "A.J.'s Hearth & Kettle" and "Goodman's Glue and Adhesive Shop". Also, the White Pages have updated the listings of Dean Chicowski, who has recently changed his mobile phone number, as well as removing Jugglin' Dale Jones, whose mobile service plan has recently been suspended and may or may not be restored due to recent financial difficulties in the juggling business. Please stop by Ralph's and pick up your latest copy today.
- It's that time again! The Annual Spooktacular Pumpkin Carving Competition is set to take place this Friday evening at 6 PM at the Chicowski Farm. As always, contestants will be given one hour to carve their finest creative designs. All finalists will receive a complimentary hat donated by the Sugarhill Slaughterhouse, and if that's not exciting enough, the champion will receive the grand prize, which consists of a blue ribbon and a complimentary orthopedic back pillow donated by "Rocky Top Gas & Electric". Hayrides will follow. (Author's note: if the past is any indication, this should be a hoot.)
- Lastly, the Sugarhill Slaughterhouse would also like to announce that it has upgraded its bonesaw, and will be offering free facility tours from 5-7 PM this Wednesday. Please bring your families to the Sugarhill Slaughterhouse and see the new bonesaw.
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